been thinking…

I may end up getting a television soon. It’s been over four years since I’ve had one of my own plus cable, and I really, really want to watch Hoarders. I used to work for a real estate company. We leased a lot of apartments in uptown and man, there was this one lady who could have been a season finale on that show, from what I understand. Never actually saw the apartment but my property manager had to puke when she left the place. Dead animals, newspapers, shit everywhere, dirty dishes, you name it. Related story: Once when I was 19, some friends took me to this lady’s trailer and man… the whole place smelled like rotting garbage and unwashed flesh. Dirty dishes covered every available horizontal surface, flies and  maggots in the kitchen, and trash was piled up in all the corners. I ended up laying down on the couch… it smelled like poo and wet dog, but I was too scared to start throwing up because that would have made it even worse. The lady herself was a rather large person and she decided to take a bath at like 3AM, so she disrobed in front of us while smoking Newport after Newport and AW GAWD had to go to my happy place. We ended up getting STUCK there til sunrise because everyone was so out of it. To this day, I hate trailers. I never loved them or anything before that, but now I refuse to set foot in one. I can’t, gives me flashbacks. So yeah, anyway. A TV. Maybe.

so rad

I came home to a box from NewEgg today! WOOT! New DVD burner/reader is now all mine. And it’s just like I pictured it – got the external drive in one USB, the new sexy burner in another and my computer is sitting here all bored like the left-out ugly girl in a threesome. Sorry, laptop. You’re important, too, just not the, ah, focus at the moment.

yay tooth is fixed :D

Yesterday I got my broken tooth fixed. It didn’t hurt, no shots required, but it took forever. However, now my teeth look much better and it only cost me 57.00. Next month I’m going to go back for a cleaning, X-rays, etc. and also for a consultation with the ortho. I’m looking into getting my teeth straightened and some other things now that I have (really good) dental insurance.

And suddenly I feel like William H. Macy in Magnolia.

My teeth have never been bad enough to require braces and they still aren’t, but I have one or two spots of overlapping that I would like fixed. Was hoping when I had my wisdom teeth cut/pulled out, the rest would right themselves naturally, but that hasn’t happened. Also, I have tiny points on the ends of my teeth that are supposed to go away when you get older, but mine didn’t. (Weird side note: When I was being tested for PCOS, the OB/GYN did a sonogram and told me my lady parts looked like those of a 16 year old. When I was 32. Test came out negative, thankfully.)

The pointy teeth thing is hereditary – everyone on my mom’s side of the family has it. My aunt Mary Magdalene (another post for another time, but yes that is her real name) got hers bonded and I probably will, too. The dentist sanded them down a bit yesterday and the difference is noticable. I also have sharp-as-shiat vampire-style canines that I’d like rounded out with bonding. For no other reason than to prevent stabbing myself in the tongue and drawing blood while chewing. Sucks.

Aside from the staff and the dentist and the location, another cool thing about this office is the artwork:

The receptionist wrote down the artist’s name for me on a Post-it but I can’t read her handwriting. Michelle Koeppel, possibly. Or Koepper. Neither search returned anything. That painting in the center with the gold blocks has hieroglyphics carved into the paint, and the red one is part-collage with lots of texture. I *love* these paintings. They look like some of the work I do and would like to do. Her works are displayed in each patient room so I had a huge silver work that spanned two canvasses to look at while the dentist was filing away on my tooth. Way better than a TV set to Oprah, ugh.

These are all mixed media/oil (I think) and possibly acrylics on canvas. The canvases are custom made, from what I could tell without taking them off the wall. If I can figure out her name I’ll link her site on here. That piece with the gold blocks was priced at 1500.00. But I wasn’t interested so much in buying a piece as being inspired by one. This photo doesn’t do them justice – the intricate textures she’s created alone are worth the price. When the receptionist wasn’t looking, I ran my hand down the red piece just a little. There are layers and layers of paint, all different shades of red and I think some newsprint paper painted over, too.

I love computers

I finally caved and ordered an external DVD reader/writer for my laptop today. They’re only 50 bucks now, so I said what the hell. Also got a pack of 25 rewriteable DVDs -both from NewEgg- so that 1) I can back up all my data before my laptop gives up the ghost, which is imminent, given that clicky sound, and 2) I can burn some out-of-print, rare and otherwise hard to find movies I own for people for Christmas off my external hard drive. I finally got all the parts and it works fine, but I’m running out of hard drive space on the Lappy 5000 so I guess I can burn straight from the external hard drive to the external DVD burner, and the computer will be like a toll booth. Will be so funny seeing both externals sitting next to each other, purring and blinking away all smug and nonchalant while my laptop is all like GODDAMMIT WHY DO YOU USE ME LIKE THIS YOU DON’T REALLY LOVE ME. Best part about all of this is that I get to make cover art for the DVDs, which means I’m going to spend lots of time playing around in Photoshop (yay!). I’ve already finished one. Only I can’t post an image because one of the people getting a DVD reads this regularly and it should be a surprise.

so I cracked this tooth

the other night while I was watching Lost and biting my thumbnail. It’s one right in the front, on the bottom. Number 41 to be exact:

I cracked the top part off, accidentally swallowed it and then my tooth felt funny. So I went to the bathroom and checked it out in the mirror and yep, it’s slanty and rough now where it was once straight and smooth.It’s not very noticable, but I can’t stop poking it with my tongue and it’s starting to hurt. So tomorrow I have a dentist appointment to get it capped and hopefully that’s all.

I’m thankful I have dental insurance now. I haven’t chipped a tooth in 20 years.

Yeah, so… don’t bite your nails. I now have a slanty tooth and a left thumbnail that’s all jacked up.

WTH, tiger

how do you relax? Not by overhearing racists.

A Web site I visit fairly regularly recently posted an open question that went something like, What odd (or not so odd) thing do you do to relax? The answers were all over the place, but the beach was a common theme and certain go-to movies, and also pets – hanging out with pets and well, petting them.

I like to wander around hardware stores when I’m feeling anxious or in need of some peace time. I love the smell of lumber, the garden center, the people shopping for materials so that they can make things. I like to stick my hands in the big crates of nuts and bolts and steal paint samples and look at all of the seasonal decorations and buy seeds.

The other weekend, I walked around Lowe’s for almost two hours. I was shopping, too – needed some tools and various house stuff – but I also wandered up and down the wide aisles and looked at people and what they were buying, trying to figure  out what sort of projects they were working on. And I looked at wood and brackets and paint and hammers and thought about all the stuff I might build or decorate. I bought spray paint (mandatory for every Lowe’s trip) and a fat jolly Santa statue to put on one of my mantels. I met two guys in the ratcheting screwdriver section (yes there is a whole section just for ratcheting screwdrivers, I had no idea) and they helped me pick out a tool I needed to get one of my medicine cabinets off the wall. It didn’t work, but it was sweet of them to help.

One was a master plumber and the other man was his assistant, it seemed. The master plumber was a classic New Orleans character: verbiose, laid-back, cracking jokes with the cashier. His assistant didn’t speak much, but he smiled a lot and gave me his card. He had a bad eye – it was bluish and opaque, like he had been injured in that eye and now he can’t see from it. He was so nice. They got ahead of me in the checkout line and, as always, it took forever to check out because only one register was open. This is normal for New Orleans and if you expect anything different, you will be disappointed. Shit takes forever in this town. It really should be our motto: New Orleans: Shit Takes Forever.

Then a dramatic (sighing, complaining to no one in particlar) man got behind me in line with a bunch of pointsettas in his buggy and proceeded to bitch the entire time about how long it was taking to check out. He even yelled COME ON!!! at the two men who had helped me like it was their fault, even though the cashier was waiting on a price check and there was nothing anyone could do but wait. Then, oh, then he said the N word. The master plumber happened to be a black man, and the dramatic guy SAID THE N WORD. Loudly. I was dumbfounded; my jaw dropped open and I turned to stare at the pointsetta guy. He looked back at me and said something equally offensive that I won’t repeat. Keep in mind this is in New Orleans in a predominantly black area of town. The cashier is a black lady. The man checking out is black. The people behind us in line were black. The manager was black. They all heard.

I wanted to die. And the guy was acting like he knew me, like he was my buddy. I guess just because we were both white. I *hate* when people do that. So I ignored him from then on and he finally shut up. It bothered me all afternoon. I should have said something to him, but I was so floored I couldn’t react properly. Aside from being a huge disgusting racist, that guy was astoundingly stupid to say that in Lowe’s. Not only were the customers and employees mostly black, the guys waiting outside for day labor were mostly Hispanic. He and I were the minority. And he was out of shape and those guys in the store were all built like construction workers. I don’t like violence, but if he’d gotten his ass kicked it was because he had it coming.

TGIF

In the holy name of TGIF, we pray: Our employer, who art probably based out of Houston, Incorporated be your name. Thy work day come, thy will be faxed, on eastern time as well as in central. Give us this day our daily smoke break, and forgive us our fidging on time sheets as we forgive those who spray pee all over the 2nd floor bathroom toilet. Lead us not into unemployment, but deliver us from boredom. For thine is the stock shares, the 401k and the much-coveted and holy vacation time. A-men.

like donkey kong, biatch

antiplath.com

My domain name is coming back soon, so don’t delete your bookmarks just yet. It should work again by sometime later next week.